Loyalty or Respect?

Where Is Your Mind Welded Shut?

Sit with this slide.

Credit: Paul Chek / CHEK Institute

Let it sink in.

What does it mean for you to see the words: Don’t let your schooling get in the way of your education?

And what does it mean to notice the imagery, humans getting their heads welded shut?

My invitation is simple:

Where is your mind welded shut?

Education and Conditioning

Many of us have spent a tremendous amount of money on education, downloading information based on other people’s ideas, research, and perspectives. Those institutions promote their view as the truth, and we often take it in as if it is.

But this does not stop at school. We were also downloaded with perspectives from our families of origin:

• how to fold our clothes

• how to eat

• how to speak to others

• how to interact with siblings and culture

• what values to hold

• how to live, think, and what politics to follow

We have all inherited perspectives, patterns, and beliefs.

The rare bird is the one who stops to question:
Where is my mind welded shut?

Defensiveness, Security, and Separation

Notice the places where you believe so deeply that you know the right way. Do you defend those beliefs? Attack others who disagree?

Often, beneath that need to defend is insecurity. We cling to rigid certainty because it gives us a false sense of safety. But this separation, me versus them, only closes the door to connection.

What would it look like to unweld the mind, to open toward others with curiosity rather than defense?

Loyalty vs. Respect

One of the deepest welds many of us carry is around loyalty.

We were taught: loyalty = respect.

If you are not loyal to my way, the story goes, then you do not respect me. This belief leads us to silence our truth, to hide our perspectives, and to trade honesty for belonging.

But loyalty often hides fear.

• I will be loyal to you because I am afraid of losing you.

• I will be loyal to you because I am afraid of conflict.

What if respect is something different?
What if respect grows from courage?

For me, respect means:

• I respect you enough to be honest in your presence.

• I respect myself enough to share my perspective, even if it is different.

• I respect our connection enough to allow space for disagreement.

Can you imagine how much freedom this shift could create in your life, moving from loyalty rooted in fear to respect rooted in courage?

Where the Welds Show Up

The easiest way to notice where your mind is welded shut is to pay attention to your charges:

• anger

• defensiveness

• proving

• annoyance

• frustration

• boredom

When those feelings show up, pause.

• What is my body showing me?

• Where do I feel this in my chest, my gut, my shoulders?

• Is my body speaking a deeper truth than my mind?

These moments are opportunities to ask:

• Why am I defending?

• Why am I proving?

• What fear is hiding underneath?

An Invitation

Imagine reversing the slide.

Instead of walking forward to get our heads welded shut, we walk backward, unwelding the locks, opening the space.

This week, notice where you feel loyalty. Notice where you feel respect. Notice where you defend and where you hide.

Ask yourself:

• Where did I learn this?

• Does it still serve me?

• Am I willing to keep it, or is it time to let it go?

Unwelding the mind is not about abandoning everything we have learned. It is about reclaiming curiosity. It is about asking: Is there another way to see this?

And maybe, through respect and courage, we find a way to connect not through welded minds, but through open hearts.

RIP Charlie Kirk