The Dark Side of Meditation

Hello my friends, welcome back.

Today I want to explore something we rarely talk about, the dark side of meditation.
We often hear meditation described in terms of light, peace, calm, and presence. And while all of that can be true, what if everything that holds light also carries a shadow? What if even something as sacred and transformative as meditation can hide within it a subtle form of denial, arrogance, or avoidance?

I’ve been meditating since my mid-twenties, and over the years I’ve witnessed both its brilliance and its shadows. What I share here isn’t truth; it’s simply what I’ve seen in myself, and what I invite you to consider in you.

Denial: The Hidden Numbness

One of the darker aspects I’ve found in meditation is denial.
Denial can look like presence. It can sound like peace.
But beneath that stillness, there can be a quiet numbing of parts of ourselves we don’t want to feel.

Through meditation, we can become so skilled at observing that we start to detach from our humanness. The practice that was meant to help us meet ourselves can subtly become a way to hide from ourselves. We learn to step back from emotion, to witness rather than feel, to label sensations rather than listen to them.

And yet, what if those emotions and sensations are sacred messengers from within? What if being human means allowing the full spectrum of experience, from joy to rage, from tenderness to grief, and not simply transcending it?

Hiding Instead of Seeking

Another shadow I’ve witnessed in myself is using meditation to hide.
To others, it might look like spiritual depth. But internally, it can be an elegant form of avoidance. Meditation can become a safe cave to retreat to when emotions feel too big or memories too painful. We can convince ourselves that we’re seeking truth when, in reality, we’re seeking refuge from discomfort.

Would you consider that the same tool that helps us find ourselves can also help us lose ourselves?

That at one stage meditation brings us closer to truth, and at another it becomes a shield against it?

The Arrogance of Enlightenment

Spiritual arrogance is another form of shadow that meditation can nurture.
It sneaks in quietly, the belief that because we meditate, we’re more evolved, more centered, more aware. I’ve lived this personally. I’ve caught myself pedestalizing my own perspective, mistaking knowledge for wisdom, mistaking composure for consciousness.

When the ego learns the language of spirituality, it builds a new identity, one that can be even trickier to see through because it wears humility as a mask.
Meditation can elevate us beyond others in our own minds, instead of bringing us into deeper horizontal connection with them.
And yet, the purpose of awareness is not separation, it’s inclusion.

Projecting onto the Great Sages

Let’s talk about projection.
When many of us think of the Buddha, we see an image of serenity, a round, calm figure seated in silence. We project onto that statue the idea that awakening means non-reactivity, perfect stillness, unshakable peace.

But what if the Buddha had his own moments of irritation, doubt, or grief? What if our projection of what enlightenment should look like keeps us in shame about who we are?

I’ve found myself comparing my inner chaos to an imagined stillness, and in doing so, I created suffering.
It’s a fascinating pattern, how easily we judge ourselves for not being like our projection of someone else’s percieved perfection.

Shaming the Inner Child

Perhaps the most painful shadow of meditation is how it can mirror the way adults once invalidated us as children.
When emotions arise in practice, we might silence them. We might tell ourselves, That’s not real. That’s just ego. Be the observer.

But in doing so, we repeat the same message many of us heard growing up: You’re too much. Don’t cry. Be quiet. Stop imagining things.
Meditation, when misused, can become a sophisticated way of telling our inner child to be quiet.

And that, to me, is one of the darkest aspects of the practice, to spiritualize the suppression of our humanity.

Bridging the Light and Dark

So how do we integrate the light and shadow of meditation?

For me, it’s through the dance between observer and participant.

The observer watches, the participant feels.

The observer reflects, the participant reacts & responds.

Both are sacred. Both are human.

When I allow space for both, I’m no longer trying to be above my experience. I’m living it, watching it, learning from it. I’m no longer trying to transcend the movie, I’m both watching it unfold and starring in it.

That is the paradox of meditation at its truest depth.
It’s not about escaping the self, it’s about embracing all of it.
The calm, the chaos, the compassion, the denial.
All of it belongs.

As you move through your own practice, I invite you to gently ask:

• Where might I be using meditation to hide instead of heal?

• What emotions have I labeled “unspiritual”?

• What parts of me are still waiting to be felt?

Because meditation, like life, is both shadow and light.
And true awareness, I believe, holds room for both.

👽