The Magical Mind of the Child & The Sovereignty of the Self

Hello friends,

Over the years, through my own life, through teaching, and through walking beside many clients, I’ve noticed something both simple and confronting:

No one is responsible for our emotions but us.

No one outside of us is responsible for our emotions, our joy, our sadness, or our pain. And yet, so many of us were taught the opposite. From a young age, we absorbed the idea that others cause how we feel. That if someone’s actions change, or their tone softens, or their attention turns toward us, then we will feel okay.

It’s a deeply ingrained story. And it’s one that served us beautifully as children when our emotional survival truly depended on our caregivers. The magical mind of a child believes in that link between the outside world and inner safety. But as we mature, that belief begins to limit us. It binds us to others in invisible contracts that neither party can truly uphold.

The Hidden Burden of Emotional Responsibility

I rarely make guarantees, but here’s one:
If you make someone responsible for your happiness, at some point you will also make them responsible for your pain.

When we give another person the title of the one who makes me happy, we also unknowingly assign them the opposite role, the one who can take it away. And that’s an impossible weight to carry.

Even when we say something sweet like, “You make me so happy,” there’s a subtle burden embedded in that phrase. It may feel validating to both people, but it quietly says, My happiness lives in your hands.

And when that dynamic deepens, the natural result is fear, fear of disappointing, fear of rejection, fear of being the cause of another’s sadness. Over time, this can lead us to edit ourselves, to avoid honesty, to withhold truth, because somewhere inside, we’ve made someone else’s feelings our responsibility.

Taking Back Our Power

Part of maturing emotionally means noticing when this happens without shame.

I still catch myself making someone responsible for my excitement, joy, or pleasure. When I do, I pause and remember, I’m the one creating my emotional experience about this experience.

The moment I reclaim that authorship, something shifts. My connection to myself strengthens. My connection with others becomes clearer, freer, and less rooted in control. This isn’t about eliminating connection or support; it’s about transforming codependency into interdependency.

Imagine a relationship where each person meets their own emotional needs 80 percent of the time, and the other 20 percent becomes an intentional, mutual exchange, a place where we choose to support, comfort, and care for one another rather than need to.

That 20 percent becomes the beauty of shared humanity, not the necessity of emotional survival.

The Magical Mind vs. The Mature Heart

When we make others responsible for our emotions, positive or negative, we strengthen the illusion that our inner peace depends on external conditions.

This keeps us trapped in what I call the magical mind of a child, the part that still demands the outside world become what we want it to be so we can finally feel safe.

But what if safety doesn’t come from control?
What if safety comes from the ability to be with life as it is, without needing it to change first?

The mature heart doesn’t deny the child, it re-parents it.
It listens, soothes, and teaches it how to feel safely again.
It invites that childlike imagination, curiosity, and innocence to return, not as a ruler of our emotions, but as a companion to our growth.

Becoming Your Own Mother, Father, and Partner

Every time we take responsibility for our feelings, we become our own caretaker. We mother the frightened child within us. We father the parts of us that crave stability. We partner the aspects of us longing to be seen.

This process doesn’t make us emotionally invincible. It makes us more human, more connected, and more sovereign. It’s how we move from the magical childish mind into the childlike heart: open, imaginative, receptive, and free.

The union between the mature adult and the magical child within us is where true power resides, not dominance over others, but harmony within the self.

Reflection Questions:

• When have you made someone responsible for your happiness or pain?

• What might it feel like to take that responsibility back, not as blame, but as empowerment?

• Which part of you still waits for someone else to change so you can finally rest?

• How might you begin re-parenting that part with gentleness today?

May you continue to discover the quiet sovereignty within yourself, the one who can hold the child, love the world as it is, and choose peace without needing anyone to give it to you.

Enjoy or don’t.
You decide.

Peace,
Jator

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