Communication Part One

Evening, afternoon, morning, depending on where you are in the world.

We are stepping into a conversation I have wanted to bring forward for a long time, and we are doing it brick by brick.

Communication.

Not communication in the polished, performative, external sense. Not communication as a technique to get people to like you, agree with you, or soften conflict. Not communication as a list of rules.

Today, we begin with the most foundational brick. The brick that every other piece rests upon.

The language of self acceptance.

Most communication models begin with the outside world. They begin with how to talk to your partner, or how to find the right tone at work, or how to navigate conflict with others. And of course that has its place.

In my experience, the truest roots of communication are not found in how you speak outwardly. They are found in how you speak inwardly.

How you commune with yourself.
How you speak to the many parts of you that live behind your eyes.
How you acknowledge or ignore what arises inside your heart.

This is where communication begins.
This is where communication fractures.
And this is where communication heals.

THE ILLUSION OF “I”

Most of us speak in a very familiar way.

I feel angry.
I am sad.
I do not want this.
I am frustrated.

The language of I is so normal that we rarely question what it implies. Yet, if we listen closely, there is something underneath it. Something hidden. Something costly.

The language of I creates the illusion of singularity.
The illusion that you are one unified self with one unified feeling.
The illusion that your experience is simple and stable.

But when has that ever been true?

What if your experience is not singular?
What if your emotional landscape is a collection of voices?
What if you are a community inside a single body?

When I say I am angry, there is a rigidity there. A finality. A subtle shame. A pressure to be only that experience. A pressure to choose one emotion and ignore everything else rising from the rest of you.

And from this place, communication becomes brittle. Internally and externally.

A PART OF ME

Here is the first brick. The simplest tool. The most underrated shift I have ever learned in my communication practice.

Replace the word “I” with a “part of me.”

A part of me feels angry.
A part of me feels curious.
A part of me feels scared.
A part of me feels joyful.
A part of me feels offended and another part does not.
A part of me wants closeness and another part wants space.

Notice how much room this creates.
Notice how it invites honesty rather than performance.
Notice how it reduces shame.
Notice how it brings relief to the inner world.

This shift acknowledges your complexity.
It honors your internal conflict.
It brings your inner community into the light.

When you begin speaking in this way, something profound happens.

The internal reactivity decreases.
The inner critic softens.
The body relaxes.

And communication with others changes, because you are no longer pretending to be singular. You are no longer hiding the truth of your inner landscape from yourself.

You experience others differently because you are finally experiencing yourself honestly.

THE MIRROR OF THE OUTER WORLD

Another fascinating truth emerges when you start practicing the language of self acceptance.

The way you communicate internally becomes the way you experience others communicating with you.

If you shame yourself, you will hear shame in their words.
If you blame yourself, you will hear blame from others.
If you fear your inner world, you will fear their perspectives.

This is not because others are actually doing these things.
Many times, they are not.

It is because your inner communication becomes the filter through which you receive the external world.

So if you are unwilling to acknowledge conflict within your own emotional landscape, you will always feel conflicted when others speak.

This is one of the reasons compassionate communication is almost impossible if internal communication is rigid, critical, or collapsed.

The outside world mirrors the inside world.
Not metaphorically.
Literally in lived experience.

COMMUNE WITH SELF

The word communication contains the word commune.

To commune is to sit with.
To listen.
To share intimacy.
To speak honestly.

What if communication first means learning to commune with yourself?

Noticing your internal language.
Noticing the subtle shame in your tone.
Noticing the heavy words you use without realizing.
Noticing how often you call yourself wrong, bad, broken, stupid.

This is your internal communication model. And it is the model you bring into every relationship.
Your partner.
Your children.
Your clients.
Your parents.
Your friends.
Strangers at the grocery store.

Your words ride on the energy beneath them.
And the energy beneath them is shaped by how you speak to yourself.

THE TWO YEAR OLD INSIDE YOU

Two year olds are unpredictable in the most honest way. They shift from joy to anger to softness to intensity without apology.

They have not yet learned to suppress their experience. They have not yet swallowed the adult rules that say emotions must be tidy. They simply feel.

What I noticed when I was a bonus dad to a two year old is that when I acknowledged her feelings exactly as they were, something would shift in her body.

I hear you are frustrated.
I hear you are upset.
I hear you want something you cannot have.
I hear that it feels unfair.
I hear that you are tired.

When I acknowledge her experience without fixing or controlling it, she softened. She felt seen. She felt safe. She felt understood.

And this mirrors something we all forget.

Inside us are many two year olds.
Vibrant.
Reactive.
Expressive.
Trying desperately to get our attention.

If you ignore these parts, they become louder.
If you shame these parts, they become aggressive.
If you deny these parts, they become numb or explosive.

But when you acknowledge them, something beautiful happens.

They calm.
They feel safe.
They integrate.
And your communication changes.

This is the language of self acceptance in action.

THE PAUSE THAT SAVES RELATIONSHIPS

Most reactive communication happens because we skip the pause.

A part of me feels angry.
A part of me feels defensive.
A part of me feels afraid.

If you can name this internally before speaking externally, you create space. A moment to breathe. A moment to step back and come forward with a different energy.

This is not about being calm all the time.
It is not about never reacting.
It is about creating enough space to choose your response rather than collapse into it.

Responsiveness grows from acknowledgment.
Reactivity grows from disconnection.

And the language of self acceptance is the bridge.

A CHALLENGE FOR YOUR WEEK

Would you be willing to practice the language of a part of me in at least one conversation this week?

Not as a performance.
As a practice.

Because communication is a skill.
And skills require practice.

Notice what shifts.
Notice how your body responds.
Notice how others respond to the softness in your words.

And notice, most importantly, how your inner world opens when it is spoken to with acknowledgment rather than pressure.

CONTEMPLATION QUESTIONS

These are invitations, not assignments.

1. When did your compassionate communication begin to collapse in your life story?

2. When did you learn to discount your inner world?

3. When did you begin hiding your truth from yourself?

4. How often do you experience internal conflict between different parts of you?

5. What happens internally when one part of you feels threatened by another part?

Sit with these gently.
No rush.
No pressure.

Just curiosity.

WHY I SAY IT OUT LOUD

Many people assume that when I speak in videos or sessions and say things like a part of me feels or an aspect of me notices, I am doing it for them.

I am not.

I say it out loud for me.

Because when I hear myself name the many perspectives inside me, I loosen my attachment to any single one.
I soften.
I settle.
I become more honest.
More present.
More responsible.
More receptive.

And from this place, communication becomes an act of connection rather than protection.

It becomes a place of curiosity rather than rigidity.
It becomes a way of relating instead of a weapon.

This is why this is brick one.
Nothing else stands without it.

WE BEGIN HERE

Brick one. The language of self acceptance.

Speak to yourself as if you are a small community rather than a single voice.
Acknowledge the parts within you.
Let them speak.
Let them be heard.

Because the way you speak to yourself becomes the way you speak to the world.
And the way you speak to the world becomes the way you experience the world speaking to you.

This is not the end.
This is the beginning.

Brick two will be the language of self responsibility.
But before responsibility can land in a healthy way, acceptance must come first.

Until then, notice your parts.
Reveal your parts.
Acknowledge your parts.
And commune with yourself.

From my heart to yours,

Jator

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