Hello my friends, welcome back.

Today we explore a familiar terrain shaped by sharp edges and subtle flinches. Criticism. Not the kind we pretend to brush off. The kind that slips through a crack in the armor and finds the softest part underneath. The kind that wakes old stories long before we realize what is happening.

Deflecting criticism carries a paradox. The more we try to hide from it, the more it seems to find us. The more we attempt to make it disappear, the more brightly it circles our life like a hawk searching for movement. Deflection becomes an invitation for criticism to return with reinforcements.

And the deeper truth beneath it is simple.
We do not fear criticism because of the words spoken.
We fear criticism because it threatens the story we are still trying to outrun.

Let us step into this with curiosity rather than armor.

The Archetypes We Summon When We Are Afraid

Inside each of us lives an internal cast of characters. Four archetypes surface quickly when criticism enters the room. They rise before we choose them. They move from instinct, conditioning, and history.

The Warrior
Light side. Protects, defends, takes rightful stands.
Shadow side. Loses themselves in conflict, becomes a martyr, collapses into shame when defeat arrives.

The Lover
Light side. Tenderness, presence, respect.
Shadow side. Seduction used to avoid discomfort, devotion that erases boundaries, adoration that becomes self abandonment.

Royalty
Light side. Carries dignity, clarity, self respect.
Shadow side. Entitlement, arrogance, the insistence that criticism is beneath them.

The Jester
Light side. Humor that opens hearts, creates connection, softens tension.
Shadow side. Humor used as a shield, a disappearing act, a clever way to avoid vulnerability.

What is fascinating is how these archetypes shapeshift as we grow. Many boys begin life as warriors with sticks in their hands and later transform into lovers seeking approval. Many girls begin as lovers nurturing baby dolls and later become warriors navigating the world with fire. We adapt around belonging. We suppress what once protected us. We amplify what once soothed us.

And each of these archetypes awakens in the moment between hearing criticism and responding to it.

The Many Ways We Vanish When Criticism Arrives

Deflection is rarely conscious. It is old survival instinct wearing adult clothing. When criticism approaches, many of us reach for shields we crafted long before we understood why we needed one.

Common shields include:

Aloofness
If I disappear, you cannot hurt me.

Numbing or dissociation
If I feel nothing, your words cannot penetrate.

Fantasizing
If I drift away internally, I no longer exist for you to criticize.

Entitlement or arrogance
If I elevate myself above you, your criticism loses relevance.

Seduction
If I create pleasure or connection, perhaps your anger dissolves.

Aggression
If I swing a bigger sword, you will retreat first.

Every shield makes sense when viewed through the eyes of the younger self who originally built it.
Every shield becomes costly when it prevents us from living in alignment now.

And every shield has the same consequence.
It frustrates the other person.
They escalate.
They swing harder.
They push until something cracks.

Both people lose themselves.

Where Criticism Actually Comes From

Here is the part we often resist.

Criticism does not come from clarity.
Criticism does not come from wisdom.
Criticism does not come from truth.

Criticism is a projection of fear.
Criticism is a projection of shame.
Criticism is a displaced emotional burden that has nowhere else to go.

When someone criticizes you, they are revealing what they fear in themselves. Their words are the smoke, not the source. Their shame is the fire beneath it.

Criticism is another person making you responsible for their internal experience.

Once this is seen, the dynamic changes entirely.

Why Deflecting Always Loses

When we deflect criticism:

We abandon ourselves.
We disappear.
We fight.
We placate.
We seduce.
We numb.
We attack.
We shrink.

Every version of deflection carries the same message.
A part of me fears your words because a part of me still believes they might be true.

But something powerful happens when we stop defending and start witnessing.

We begin to see that criticism is never about us.
It is a confession wrapped in sharp language.

When someone criticizes you, they are revealing their wounds, not your worth.

The Early Origin of Our Sensitivity to Criticism

Our relationship with criticism began long before we understood language.

Hidden shame is born in silence, long before memory.
This shame becomes the soil where all criticism takes root.

As adults, when someone criticizes us, the part that responds is rarely the adult.
It is the infant who once cried for attention that did not arrive.
It is the child who shaped strategies to preserve connection.
It is the psyche that learned early that safety depends on reading the room and adjusting accordingly.

This gives rise to two survival tendencies:

Compliance
If I please you, you will not leave.

Defiance
If I resist you, you will notice me.

Both are attempts to manage the terror of abandonment.
Neither is a pathway to authenticity.

The Real Turning Point

If disappearing does not work
and attacking does not work
and appeasing does not work
and intellectualizing does not work

then what do we actually do with criticism?

We stop handing away our power.
We stop assuming their words hold authority.
We stop believing old childhood stories of not being enough.

We recognize that criticism arises when someone is carrying more fear or shame than their system can hold.

Our work is not to absorb their story or defend our own.
Our work is to let the criticism land in front of us rather than inside us.

You are allowed to hear it without swallowing it.
You are allowed to witness their fear without making it yours.
You are allowed to say, quietly inside yourself,
It is okay that you feel afraid or ashamed right now.

This is strength without hardness.
Clarity without collapse.
Presence without battle.

This is what it means to step out of the war entirely.

A Living Practice

If you want to explore this further, try a simple shift.

Do not hide from criticism.
Do not brace for it.
Do not make it absoute truth.

Let it reveal the archetype that rises in you.
Let it reveal the younger self who still feels unsafe.
Let it reveal the beliefs you inherited without questioning.

Criticism will still appear.
Humans will always project fear and shame when they overflow.

But you no longer need to become the shield, the sword, the ghost, the jester, or the supplicant.

You can remain yourself.
Rooted.
Aware.
Present.
Untangled from their storm.
Untangled from your past.

This is the beginning of a different relationship with criticism.
One where you no longer abandon yourself to survive it.

Jator